Pandoraspace

Transforming myself through the destruction of my asana

I know very little about the subject of which I am about write. I am only a student of Iyengar yoga and a beginner at that. I am a Catholic and my knowledge of the Hindu religion is likewise very limited. Consequently, I advise the readers to view this article merely as the ramblings of a yoga student in the aftermath of a disappointing exam.

It is my understanding that the Hindu god, Shiva, is both destroyer and transformer. It is said that Shiva destroys a thing in order for it to be rebuilt and transformed into something pure and true.

In today’s class, my teacher, Jawahar Bangera, mimicked Shiva when he totally destroyed my Salamba Sirsasana (not to mention my ego) and asked me to re-learn it.

Salamba Sirsasana is the headstand, which is sometimes known as the king of all asanas. While I still do not know why Salamba Sirsasana is the king of all poses, It is one of the few poses I learned early on, and because of that, it is a pose that I love to do. Before the workshop with Jawahar, I thought that I had been getting better and better at Salamba Sirsasana. I was mistaken.

Like everyone else who learns how to do Salamba Sirsasana, I learned it by doing it against the wall for more than a year. I found joy the first time I was able to get my legs up on the wall. I was happy when I was able to move my legs little by little away from the wall. I was in awe when I first noticed heat generated by my body as the blood flows down to the brain. I began to believe in the pose when, sometime after doing the headstand, there were days I felt active but could not do the asana because my body was tired and days when I felt slugging and could do the asana. It was then that I learned that headstands are a good gauge of the true state of the body, i.e., when the body needed rest. Recently, I had been particularly pleased with myself as I could get up to Salamba Sirsasana independently, that is, without the aid of the wall.

On the first day of the workshop, Jawahar told us to do Salamba Sirsasana. Strangely, before I even got up, Jawahar asked if I needed assistance with getting up and I said no. He did not correct my pose on that day and allowed me to stay in the pose for all of five minutes. So, I went home thinking that I had done just fine on the first day of the class. Of course, I was wrong.

At today’s class, Jawahar could no longer keep to himself the fact that my Salamba Sirsasana was completely wrong. My ribs were jutting out and I was working my lower back too much. Worse, he told me that I had to re-learn headstand by doing it against the wall again. Jawahar said that my Salamba Sirsasana was created by my active mind. At this point, I must say that the one instruction that is repeated throughout yoga classes is that one must keep the mind passive. According to Jawahar, I had gotten into the pose by crook (as in by hook or by crook) and so my pose was crooked. After that, I was sent back to the wall to re-learn the pose the correct way. This was, of course, a crushing set down for me on many levels. It feels like being in Grade 6 only to be told I have to go back to Kindergarten.

Right after this crushing set down, Jawahar says that re-learning Salamba Sirsasana is character building.

Jawahar has done his work in destroying my Salamba Sirsasana and teaching me the right way to do it.  Now, it is my turn to transform myself and step up.

I have been fortunate to have several character building situations in my life but I never though that yoga would present me another such experience. In the past, I would immediately step up to the character building situation by accepting my mistake, learning from it and doing better. While this recent event with Jawahar has humbled me and made me feel disappointed in myself, I find that I am uncertain of whether I am able to find the strength to step up to this situation. Just looking at the wall brings me a sense of dread.

But, I have never been a quitter. At least I have not quit on anything I believed in. So, for now, I have decided to re-learn Salamba Sirsasana (and all the other asanas).